My Eye Update

Tuesday, Sept. 19: I have been very busy since my last post about 2 months ago. I see my oncologist every 3 months now. It has been a very strange feeling since I finished all the chemo and radiation. At first, I was so relieved and ready to celebrate and then a new feeling that I was not expecting took over. I became very scared and anxious. Now that all the chemo is over you feel bare--like the cancer could come back at any time. I don't feel "safe" anymore, like you do when you are getting treatment. It almost makes you want to go back on the chemo or something!! I dealt with this a little in July and then came the scare with my eye. I was having a lot of headaches with spots of vision disappearing so my oncologist sent me for a thorough eye exam and MRI. I went for an eye exam, which I have never had, on Aug. 2. I had my eye dialated for the first time. My doctor saw something on my right eye that he said was a mass and pretty much felt like it was cancer that had spread to my eye. He made arrangements for me to go straight to a retina specialist that day. Robert came an picked me up and we headed over to his office. They did an ultrasound of my eye ball on top of my eyelid. They also took pictures of my eye. After the doctor looked at it he said that he felt 90% sure that it was not cancer but wanted me to go to UCLA to have it checked out as well. I left there feeling good about it , but the feeling didn't last long. Something came over me that made me feel that he wasn't telling me the truth that he felt it was not cancer. What they were looking for was a condition called choroidal metastesis that is common in breast cancer. My oncologist was taking her son to college so I was not in contact with her during this time. I did have an MRI the next day and the nurse called me from my oncologists office that same day ( she knew I was not doing well with this) to tell me that nothing showed up on the MRI....I felt much better. So now we had to head to UCLA. My appointment is Aug. 17. I am usually the one that gets everything organized, the hotel and things that need to be taken care of but I couldn't seem to get it together. Robert took care of everything and he booked a room in Santa Monica across from the ocean. We were going to try and have a little fun. We let the kids stay home by themselves since we were only going to be gone one night. We drove to LA on Wed. afternoon and on the way there my oncologist called. She just wanted to check on me and she told me that it is rare for the cancer to go to the eye without going to a major organ first and that she would be very suprised if it was truly a metastesis. She put me at ease and I wished I had talked to her a week earlier! Robert and I went to the pier in Santa Monica and walked around, had cotton candy and play skee-ball..used to be my favorite and I would win stuff but I seem to have lost my touch. We then walked on the 3rd Street Prominade which is downtown and has shops and restaurants. We probably walked for 3 or 4 hours. When we got back to the room I said, "Robert, do you realize what I have done!! I walked all that time and never had to sit and rest!!!" I just felt wonderful. My appointment was for 9:15 on thurs. but I realized that they pretty much bring everyone in and get to you whenever. So we were there unitl 4:30. Right at traffic time!! Well, they dialated my eyes and looked at the area of concern. It is a 4mm area on my right eye. I have to look hard to the left for them to see it. They put numbing drops in my eye and take an ultrasound on my eyeball itself. When we see the doctor she says that it has no characteristics of an eye cancer and that it could have been there since I was born. Since I have not had an eye exam before there is nothing to compare it to. So, I feel much better now. We are going back Nov. 16 and they will take more pictures and compare to see if there is any changes. I have not had anymore headaches since that time either. I think that it was caused by hormones that are probably coming back since I am done with the chemo. What is funny too is that I have 20/15 vision in my eye that has the spot on it. I am a little blurry in my left eye though. It is 20/30. I knew that eye was getting blurry becuse I went to get my driver's license renewed and when I had to cover my right eye the left was blurry and I had a hard time reading. I didn't know it was messed up before then.
So I have that somewhat behind me. I had my check up with Dr. Allison and we have decided to forgo the ovary and uterus removal for now. She said that I didn't need it right now on top of the eye situation and I am not sure if I want the life long side effects of a hysterectomy. I can't take replacement hormones. I have switched to all natural meats and organic milk and anything else that has added hormones to try to keep the estrogen out of my body. I have herceptin until January and I assume I will start tamoxefen at that time. I do not wear my wig anymore. I get a lot of compliments on my hair actually. It is really curly. I have no bangs which drives me crazy because I have always had them. I just put gel in my hair and go!! I am going to get Robert to take a picture and I will post it this week. I am at work before he gets home for most of this week. I am working my regular schedule again. I can feel the strength and energy coming back. Overall I feel pretty good!! I can't believe that this week it will be a year from my first surgery. Not everyone at work knows about my situation--there are alot of us working different hotels. Last night a guy said, "you used to have long hair, when did you cut your hair?" I said, "Oh, about a year ago!!"